Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Pregnant with Amrah

Assalaamualaikum.

One month into marriage, I realised my period was late. And I knew. I just knew. I had mixed feelings about it because on my wedding day (okay fine, the period before and after the wedding day actually), young and old people were feeding me with so many marriage advice and two of them were, don't get pregnant too quickly AND just get pregnant what's there to lose (ermm.. my freedom?).

So I felt... happy? And scared? And nervous too I think haha but excited mostly!

I told Syahmi (my husband) about it after getting a positive from a mid-range priced pregnancy test kit. I have to emphasize on the price because the former two I bought, which were remotely cheap, gave me a negative. Anyways, told Syahmi and he was... surprised I think although I hinted it here and there about how late my period was that time and I don't know... Maybe he was genuinely surprised and concerned about us having a baby too soon.

By the time I got myself checked at a clinic, I was already at week 4. The thing is, Syahmi's working hours were a bit odd and he didn't get to have too many holidays, and during that time, he could only get a day off out of a week so it was really difficult to schedule a visit cos I also wanted him to get enough rest as his job was quite demanding, physically. In the end, he didn't get to bring me and I was already missing out on folic acid for the first few important weeks so Syahmi's mum took me to the nearest clinic instead. Actually if you ask me now, I could have gone alone, I really don't mind but I don't know why I didn't think of that haha.

The doctor confirmed that I was 4 weeks pregnant and proceeded to ask me if I were experiencing morning sickness. Alhamdulillah, I wasn't. There were actually no indication at all about my pregnancy that if I weren't paying attention to my period cycle, I wouldn't have known till.... I don't know, my tummy shows? So since I wasn't puking and didn't develop super inhumane sensitive nose towards any smell, the doctor decided to prescribed me with some Obimin (multivitamin packed specially for pre and post natal women).

I was well into my second month of pregnancy when one day I woke up with this queasy feeling in my tummy. It felt really weird and I got to the bathroom, ready to take my wudhu' and there came the bile and water I drank upon waking up, threatening to exit my tummy and throat and mouth as quickly as they could. And that easily became the routine for the rest of my pregnancy which didn't only happen in the morning. Any time, any day. I remember vomiting near the temple (sorry worshipers), the toilet at several masajid and shopping malls, on the lawn somewhere at some parking lots and countless times at home. Puking is such a disgusting thing. I mean, I couldn't even control myself. It kept on pushing and pushing, my body bent forward accompanied with heaving sounds so loud and demonic I never knew I had it in me, as if it wanted to get rid of everything inside me and it hurt so bad! I don't know how the girls on TV could vomit so elegantly; such lies. 

But somehow, when I entered my third trimester, I realised that I would only vomit after taking any pills. As I hated the smell and would usually throw up after consuming the supplements, I have stopped taking them since.... my 4th month of pregnancy, I think. I took them a few times, very rarely, just whenever I felt guilty not giving the best to the baby in my tummy. True enough, the vomiting episode ended BUT I didn't link it to the fact that I wasn't taking those pills. I just thought that yeaaaa second trimester and all, it's usually the honeymoon phase before third trimester difficulties kick in. I only realised it when I was 6++ months pregnant, and after abandoning the supplements for a few months, feeling like a horrible mother already, I decided to take them that night after my dinner. I took them, drank water and felt really full... and almost immediately, quite sick. It was towards the end of the first week of Eid that time, Syahmi and his parents wanted to visit some friends of theirs, and the sisters and I, decided to stay at home, them being tired of socializing, and me suddenly feeling horrible.

I lay down on my bed, distracting myself cos all I could think that time was something's at my throat something's at my throat something's at my throat. Five minutes later, it won the battle and I ran to the bathroom, apparently not quick enough, as I performed a spectacular bout of projectile vomiting that unfortunately hit the bathroom door, some on the floor and the rest, safe and sound in the toilet. That was definitely the lightbulb moment for me. My pregnant body hates pills and therefore, I must hate them too. So hated them I did.

And that's when the vomiting episode ended for me, alhamdulillah. 

So what did I take for a substitute for calcium? I drank Anmum milk. Which deliberately (or was it not?) added to my already-piling-up-like-there's-no-tomorrow weight. 26kg weight gain throughout my whole pregnancy, just thought I should remind you that.

Aaaaannnnddddd, that's it! That's my pregnancy story (more like vomit story, sorry folks) and next post shall be my birth story, insha Allah.

Alrighty then, salaam and take care!

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Motherhood

Assalaamualaikum.

So my husband left for Madinah in February, he's currently studying in the International Islamic University of Madinah. Which leaves..... Me and Amrah. Here, in Miri. I really couldn't fathom how life would be without my husband, especially alone with a baby, but alhamdulillah, all is well (probably because I'm staying with my parents haha).

Tomorrow Amrah is turning 6 months old, insha Allah, and I'm suddenly feeling a bit emotional, just like all parents do hehe. I remember the first few weeks being the hardest days of my life, I felt this love and hate relationship towards my own daughter. I got a bit depressed everytime night came because I knew I was not going to get any sleep and Amrah was going to cry again and again and I just didn't know what else to do to comfort her.

My mum kept on telling me that it's normal and please don't expect that you are able to sleep like those single carefree days. It really helped and after a while, Amrah found her sleeping pattern and I got used to having 3-4 hours of sleep, alhamdulillah, I'm able to cope better now.

Motherhood is something I always envisioned for myself and now that I'm here, I dare say that it is such an amazing journey and experience. I love how it increases my love and appreciation towards my parents because indeed, it wasn't and isn't easy, at all. Alhamdulillah. 

I find myself strongly advocating for a better treatment to parents by their children, all because of my near 6 month experiencing parenting. That's just a few months! Imagine our parents doing all that for many many years, and we still got the cheek to be unkind to them. It's a reminder for me every time. I hope I'm able to make my parents happy, thus, making God happy with me. That's all I ask.

Husband is coming back at the end of May, insha Allah, and I'm excited!

Pray for us, please?

:)